-CONFUSION-

'write. write until it stop hurting.'

but what

is it?

what is it?

how can i make something stop,

if i don't even know what it is?

i cannot see it,

it's untouchable,

it does not smell or 

make a sound

but - i can feel it,

right under my skin

and all over me

and i can hear it breathing,

i can hear it screaming

inside of me

i smell its sweat

i smell the sweet bitterness

i can even taste it

so heavy, so spicy, so numbing

and i can see it through my tears

i can see it in the light and

in the shadows

darker than black

it feels colder than ice

and burns my senses

until i am numb

and don't

notice anything

anymore

it makes me cry for no reason

i realize

because

it made me

numb

in diesem raum, der nicht zu haus ist, bin ich glücklich,

irgendwie,

doch das chaos in mir drin bleibt, egal, wo ich bin, und

dort muss ich aufräumen,um mich herum und in mir vor

allem,

ordnung schaffen,verstehen und aussortieren,winterputz